Friday, November 20, 2009

4 of 4

Brain MRI results from today are also stable. This is good news—nothing new has appeared, nothing is growing. However, Dr Jason still thinks there might be some possibility that the migraine with aura that includes speech problems is, in fact, seizure activity. There is a lesion in the area of the brain that deals with language (it's been there the whole time, of course), and there's some possibility that the injury to the brain around the lesion is causing the episodes. However, I do still think it's just as likely that the episodes are simply migraines. Although the fact that I had some while on the Keppra doesn't make Dr Jason think they aren't seizures, only that maybe I wasn't on high enough doses of the Keppra.

They way we're going to deal with it is that we filled a prescription of higher dose Keppra which we will take with us. It's enough to cover me for the trip. I won't take it unless I have an obvious seizure—blacking out, falling to the ground, something like that (nothing apocalyptic, although perhaps alarming for the people around me). I will have to see a doctor, but won't have to worry about trying to get a prescription in South America.

Because I really, really want to give my body a chance to recuperate her losses. I am physically—well, structurally and mechanically—healthy right now, and so it's the perfect time to focus on my emotional and spiritual health, which have definite, but rather less definable, physical manifestations than tumors do. Dr Jason understands that, and supports me in making that choice. And you know what, a seizure is not the worst thing in the world. If it is in my future to have one, I will have one, and then we'll know. We'll treat it, and I'll get rides to my horses for six months. And if it's not in my future, I don't want to be medicating against it any more. It's a tough, TOUGH call, believe me. I left my afternoon's appointment feeling WAY MORE anxious than when I went in, so I dipped into my travel Ativan and I'm much better now.

Life is a crazy, crazy rollercoaster. The nurse who accessed my port today has been to Chile twice (the first random stranger I've met who has been), both times for adventure boating—once whitewater rafting, the other whitewater kayaking. He asked if I was into the adrenaline rush. "Um, I don't really need it all that much these days," I said. "I'll be looking for horses."


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