Decisive

I had an eye doctor appointment today, which is generally mildly uncomfortable, because I usually get my eye dilated—just the right one—which throws off my stomach just a little, in addition to making me look alarmingly crazed to the casual observer. My stomach wasn't so bad today because I'd just had my morning Xeloda, and my morning Compazine. The Compazine, much to my pleasure, acted as a catch-all and I didn't get sick.

I've been noticing lately that my eyesight hasn't been changing all that much—i.e. is not getting better. With all the drops and the needle to the eyeball last year, the fluid issue should've been dying down by now, and it's not. And so I got to experience again the test where they can determine where, in my eyeball, my capillaries are leaking, because they clearly are.

This test, given while my eye is still dilated and therefore most likely to hurt when klieg lights are shined in it, involves taking some brilliantly flashing pictures while I'm doing my best to stare at a blinking red light with my left eye—then they inject me with a fluorescent yellow dye (in my arm) and immediately take the pictures again and then they wait 15 seconds and take them again. And then they wait a minute and take them again. At this point, I'm sweating fluorescent yellow like those disgusting Gatorade ads.

Anyway, Dr Meyers-Powell, who sees a lot of patients in a day and is good at making quick decisions, thought that the best thing for me would be a minor laser surgery that I could have right then, or Thursday or Friday. Well, I was there already, my eye was dilated and I was uncomfortable already, and Thursday is already pretty full of clinic, and Friday is riding day and I'm obviously NOT missing that, and I, too, am good at making quick decisions and so I said yes.

Ten minutes later I was sitting with my chin in yet another cup and my forehead pressed against yet another curved bar, my eyes bugged open as wide as I could hold them, getting an EVEN MORE INTENSE light shot into my eye.

It feels a bit hot to me right now, the right eye—but then, I am hypersensitive to any unusual body sensation and so, I'm guessing it's to be expected.

Anyway, I have renewed hope that I will, someday, be able to see normally from this eye again.

Whatever normal means.