I should say that, when I wrote my last entry, I was in the middle of feeling scared of everything about my world. While this is definitely something that happens, and I was in the throes of it the other day, it is not something that I deal with all the time. That is to say, I often feel strange aches and pains, see distortions, and have alarming thoughts: I do not always have to try hard to convince myself that I'm safe. Nevertheless, even when I'm feeling predominantly optimistic and happy, I still don't really trust myself to know what is significant—i.e. should be monitored by a medical doctor—and what is simply part of life. The episodes of anxiety seem to be decreasing, which is much appreciated by me, and I'm sure by Ian as well. I did go horseback riding yesterday—a horse whose withers (the part where the mane reaches the back) is about 5'10" high (i.e. taller than me)—and, as usual, I completely loved it.
It also always helps to get news like yesterday's: My tumor markers have gone down again, putting me securely in the "normal" range, even though the last actual chemotherapy I received was in early July. I quote from my nurse:
"Calin,
They look wonderful!
CA 27/29 was 35, now 29 normal 0-37
CEA was 1.3 now 1.2 normal 0-5.0
Keep doing whatever you are doing."
Enjoy the last few days of sunlight, folks. I will be.
1 comment:
Calin: It was a genuine pleasure to speak to you about your situation yesterday -- I have been reading your posts; glued to them, really. I keep a posting of Stacey's progress on Caring Bridge -- I am nervous about your reading them as I can see you are an accomplished writer and I feel a bit like a first-year journalism student whose work is being judged by the copy editor for the New York Times. www.caringbridge.org/visit/staceywalker
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