I've been wondering for a while if I really am getting any benefit, anymore, from my morning 0.5mg of Clonazepam, the antianxiety drug I've been taking daily. It's such a baby dose, and I've been rebuilding my adrenals (their exhaustion being the most likely direct cause of my anxiety over the last year or so), and so this morning I thought, since I didn't have anything major planned for the day, that I'd just not take it and see what happened.
I went from feeling my usual morning self—pretty normal, alert—you know, thinking about what I was going to do with my day—to, within a couple hours, feeling really sick to my stomach, exhausted, disconnected, and able only to sit very still and focus on my Saturday NY Times crossword puzzle (which, even in my state of physical distress, I have still almost completed . . . yes, I'm bragging, execrable habit . . .). In part, I've just started Week 2 of my cycle of chemo, but that can only account for mild nausea and attendant mild disconnectedness. There was definitely more going on with me today, which I'm assuming was a combination of simple withdrawal, and the more complex physical/emotional need for the medication.
And so, I took my Clonazepam, and after about 20 minutes, had recovered enough to write this post. A repeat experiment will be put off for a time.