Keep On

A quick entry as my cannabis seeps through my body, distracting me from . . . everything. 

I had my first post-Healer, post-Cannabis, post-Lapatinib experiment (remember, it crosses the blood brain barrier and the other drugs don’t, which is one of the reasons Dr Specht has been such an enthusiastic pusher) MRI today.  I didn’t sleep quite as well last night as I have been recently, but probably better than I usually do before scans (the drugs, they are my sleepy sleepy friends).  As I was lying there before sleep, though, I was thinking about what I would do if the scan came back normal.  Like, nothing at all. Well, a brain of course, but no lesions.  I imagined the looks on their faces, Dr Jason and Nurse Sarah, and it totally cracked me up.  But then I really thought about it—what would I do after that?  After evidence of a cure?  If I’d been freed from cancer, what would I do?

I would probably stop Navelbine as soon as possible, sure, so that I could start taking some high-powered antioxidants, but aside from that, I would do everything the same.  I’m really excited to be starting my editing course in a couple weeks; I’m really looking forward to going back to Kenya after 15 years;  I am interested in learning more from ET even if I don’t “need” his gifts; music, horses rocksboatsknitting . . .

I would do everything the same.  

I’m just so tickled that I feel that way, and that I somehow managed to notice. I don’t need to be freed to succeed.  (weed)

All of this leads up to, after a long, long multi-hour wait to be scanned, nurse Sarah coming through the exam room door saying “Whatever you’re doing works well for us!” Yep, early reports are for a stable MRI!  Nurse Sarah was the only one to read the scan by the time we saw her, but she had looked back and forth at several pictures and saw no new spots and no larger old spots! 

Who knew stasis could be so AWESOME.